One of the best things about my TAFE degree is the three-day week which enables me to have Thursdays and Fridays off! Now, normally I relax to my heart’s content on these days off which normally consists of a diet of old wrestling footage, fruit and the occasional chocolate bar (who are we kidding, its more than one chocolate bar).
However yesterday I finally made use of my free Thursday and took a solo trip to the movies at Cronulla. I saw a movie called “a Dog’s Purpose”, I’m a dog lover and thought this would be a great chance to unwind after a slightly stressful week. The premise of the movie is that the soul of a dog travels round to different dogs in pursuit of keeping or making people happy.
Much like any movie that hits the big screens, there was an element of romance in it and that’s when my feelings of being alone resurfaced.
I’m 27 and single, how did I get here? Is there something wrong with me? What if I end up alone for the rest of my life?
These thoughts are dangerous territory to get into, you start to wallow in self pity and the negativity can almost single handedly knock you off your feet.
I have struggled with being a single guy for a large part of my teenage and adult life. I don’t know where it really stems from as I have always had a few close friends (I’ve never been Mr popular and never will be) and have two amazing parents who have always had my back and supported me through everything in my life.
As I’m writing down these words, I think the lack of attention during from girls has probably been the catalyst. That in itself is probably my fault as I am quite a picky person when it comes to a potentially partner (hey, I wanna marry the next girl I date so it’s a pretty big decision!). The other issue that has held me back has been my unrivaled fear of the opposite sex. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends that are girls and once I have established a relationship with a girl I feel a hell of a lot more comfortable.
Making that first step is hard for me though, I believe that one of the hardest things in the world is approaching a girl you don’t know. My mates are always encouraging me to do it when we go out for a few drinks, even after a few ciders (I can hear the negativity surrounding my drink of choice already) I still can’t do it. I break out in a nervous sweats, my intestines feel like they have vacated my body and my legs go so numb that you would think I’m going sky diving at 20,000 feat not trying to approach a girl at the Newtown Hotel.
As I’ve never really experienced a proper relationship I feel like I am missing out. Almost all my friends are all married or at least in relationships that I feel left out and think that there is something wrong with me.
There are nights when you long for the company of someone, even if it’s just to accompany you to the shops or having someone to ride with to a party, the loneliness can get suffocating at times.
However looking at this broadly I know that there is nothing wrong with me. We aren’t defined by if we are married or single even if that’s what Hollywood wants us to believe.
If a girl comes into my life then I will be stoked beyond all measure, but for the time being I know that my identity is as a Christian and with Jesus as the head piece.
Does that mean I am going to be happy all the time whilst being a single guy? No, but it does mean I know my standing as a man and I am cool with it.
For those reading that do struggle with singleness like I do, find comfort in the joys of life and the amazing person that you are! If people aren’t noticing you then there is something wrong with them not you. I think you’re great (that doesn’t really carry much weight though…).
My parting words are: don’t worry! Be happy!